Man Meat Mail – Boys Will Be Boys…

Every now and again on Facebook, amidst the ocean of click-bait and the serial dramas of people illegally live-posting their mental breakdowns on Facebook whilst sat in traffic, someone adds a bit of debate, or philosophy, or both to the mix. Cue discussion: 
Thoughts, you ask? I think this is bang on the mark! I’ve done some questionable stuff in my time for some cheap laughs, shattering the edges of my comfort zone along the way, but I’ve never sent someone dick pics. Never. And I’m very proud of that. I’ve never had to win the attention of a girl by sending her a picture of mini-me (nor would I risk the soul-crushing possibility of it scoring poorly on her ones I’ve seen before scale).

Don’t get me wrong – I think sex is fantastic! It’s fun with new people and it’s a truly beautiful thing when its with the right person. I’m certainly not a prude and I’m happy to follow a lady around Ann Summers without stuttering and dribbling into my Burton’s Menswear bag. But sending someone a picture of your uglies without them requesting it? That’s like…perception rape, or something. You’re forcing them to see parts of you that they didn’t want to or didn’t ask to.

All I’m saying is that sex should be agreed. Women have a hard time in lots of areas, but false accusations for sex crimes ain’t one of them. Men have to be super careful everywhere if they want to keep a good reputation. I know what you’re going to say – men sleep with scores of women and they’re the man, but a girl sleeps with loads of women and they’re a slut. Well that’s true, and ladies, here’s some advice: don’t be a slut. But as for the accusations thing, one false step as a man and you’re ruined. People don’t let go of that – the risk of letting an actual predator off is too high in the mind of Joe Public. People, deep down, want to kill and maim or people – it’s in our genetic makeup – and there are certain targets that bring about that element of us all. Sex predators are one of them.

That’s why it baffles me as to why anyone would send an unsolicited picture of their dick to a woman…that and the fact that dicks are ugly. Seriously, ask your girlfriend if you have one.

Ask yourself, do you really need to send a dick pic? Surely a dashing smile and a charming comment would go miles further? Not for some apparently. Well let me tell you – those women that will bite the hook that is your perception raping sex mail aren’t keepers. They’re the low-self-esteem-likely-to-accuse-you-of-rape-to-sell-their-story-to-a-shitty-tabloid kind of girls you need to avoid.

 

Not a good plot line of How I Met Your Mother
 
Now onto another element of the gender war that I hate: boys will be boys is a lovely, twee saying that provides us with a way of giving ten year old boys room to burn off excess energy and beat each other senseless with sticks. It does not apply to grown men shoving their ugly meat mail into the push notifications of women unlucky enough to be connected to them by social media. Grow up, get some balls, get out of your semen encrusted bed and actually view a woman as a human rather than a sperm factory.

Sexual mystique is the essence of attraction – a woman with spread legs is never as attractive as a woman in a figure hugging dress. Most men agree on this, and we’re clearly morons. So why would you think that the more sexually mature and intelligent gender would bend over backwards for a quick snap of your ugly, oversold chap?

I’ll leave this rant with a message for the ladies: if you’re they kind of woman that has been giving the impression that dick pics are welcome, you deserve all the disrespect you get. Hold yourself in higher regard. Be a bloody role model. Treat parts of yourself as sacred.

Or I’ll send you pictures of my toe nails. Seriously they’re horrible.

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