I finally have the internet at the new house and therefore can finally update you as to the war on the chubber: I am happy to report that I am winning (though there will never be an endpoint when I can consider myself the true victor). As I write, I am wearing a t-shirt I bought five years ago that, on the day I declared war, didn’t fit me at all. Two weeks ago it was wearable but tight, and made me look like I was bursting out of it. Now, it fits nicely. I’m also wearing a pair of jeans that are too big for me that were a bit tight on day one. Result!
Anyway, moving onto the proper update, here’s some stats:
In case the above image isn’t clear, I am as of the time of writing 215.8 pounds, which means that since New Year’s Day, since declaring war, I have lost a grand total of 20 pounds, which is a stone and a half. Some consider this to be a remarkable victory on its own; I said I was going to crush the chubber and lose weight, and I have. However (there’s always a ‘however’ when fighting an immortal fat monster), I can’t consider this to be a victory, because then the chubber will capitalise and get me to eat celebratory food that will jeopardise my efforts. This is a cornerstone of the war effort: never forget that you are a fat man. Never forget that weight gains much easier than it shifts. Never forget that you are vulnerable to the smell of the chip shop and similar haunts of the chubber.
As you can see from this flattering picture, I have been skipping, along with other exercises. Despite the chubber, I have taken part in many a kickboxing training session, and quite enjoy the energy and ethos that exists in that martial art. Skipping is a big part (it helps with the floating like a bumblebee, or whatever), and therefore I am somewhat conditioned to it as an exercise now. I skip between sets in my workout, as well as doing squat thrusts and star jumps. I’m doing between five hundred and a thousand skipping reps (skips?) a session, which is pretty cool. It might sound a lot, but they soon add up when you do them at a comfortable pace.
Along with this, I have broadened my home workout regime and my approach therein. I have a weights bench, an incline sit up bench, several sets of dumbells, and a few kettle-bells. Oh, and a floor mat for the abdominal work. All of this means that I can really explore my body’s abilities and I can push myself depending on what I am trying to do without the pressure of some pumps wearing ‘lad’ in an oversized vest waiting to spend twenty minutes texting on the machine I’m using. It also means that the chubber cannot attack me psychologically. Jesus! Look at that guy! He’s waaaaay more athletic than you. It will take you YEARS to be like him, and he’s not even trying. Give up. Oh, and pick up some pancakes on the way home, yeah?
Not any more, chubber. In fact, now I’m the thinnest guy in the gym. I’m also the most athletic. And the best looking, and the strongest. I’m the guy lifting most, and the guy burning the most calories. There are no comparisons to my brilliance because I have nobody around me for my chubber to compare me to. It’s wonderful.
To anybody that has been like me, overweight, on the brink of leaving denial and wanting to embrace a better attitude towards eating and exercising, I would honestly recommend building a personal gym environment in which you can exercise in a varied way each day. I know what you’re thinking; yeah, it’s easy for you to say, I don’t have that kind of space/ I still live with my parents/ I share a room with my brother. To that I say stop making excuses! I lost my first 10 lbs in a space smaller than a prison cell. I’ve only done eight workouts in my garage space since moving in; I am proof that the chubber can be quelled; I am proof that you can make a start. Just remember that it’s all about out-thinking your chubber, because you’ll never actually kill it. Once a fatty, always a fatty, whether you look like one or not!
Keep working hard, and thanks for reading!
Please feel free to leave a comment below or share your thoughts with me on twitter. If you have any tips or constructive criticism, throw it my way!