Our trusty home scales are warped and cruel and, it would seem, they are also in league with the chubber. Let me explain…
I have recently bought myself a shiny new set of scales that measure not only body weight, but body fat percentage and body water percentage too. According to these new scales, on day four of this journey, I am 107kg, which equates to 16.84 stones, which equates to 236 pounds. So as it happens I’m not in excess of 18 stone, as I mentioned in my first Killing My Chubber post; that is not a victory however – it just gives the chubber room to spread his propaganda to my stomach. This turn of events has given my chubber room to sneer, and to whisper. He’s already tried to play the angle that, seeing as I’m a stone under the weight I thought I was at, I don’t need to try so hard. Go on, spoil yourself. You’ve done your work out today – you deserve a treat.
There’s a seven-letter response I have given him, naturally, and it contains three ‘f’s.
The bad news is that my body fat percentage stands at 31%. This puts me in the ‘definitely obese’ category, which is shameful, and puts the chubber’s head firmly on the block, ready for a good, bloody, revolution-style decapitation. He’s resisting though. You don’t need to lose five stones now! Let’s make it four – no, wait, three and a half stone. Then we can get back to cheese, and steaks, and beautiful, beautiful Indian take-away food!
That’s what I’m dealing with. But as he said, I did my work out this morning, pushing harder than the day before. I’ve kept to the strict portion allowances and I’ve eaten the sensible option. I’m not kidding myself – this is day four of an indefinite mission, against a near-immovable force. It could all go wrong so soon.
Of his own, and of alcoholism in general, Matthew Perry (who played good old Chandler Bing) said:
I’m in control of the first drink, and so I do all these things to protect myself from not having the first drink, but once I have that drink […] then I can’t stop after that.
I’m not in a position to talk about addiction and its relation to food. I have a massive issue with food (and sugary liquids), and the resulting abuse my body has faced because of this is apparent to me, but I don’t know whether this equates to addiction of alcohol or other substances. What I do know is that Perry’s view on alcohol applies to me fully. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I will have to taste fast food, probably at a social even like a birthday meal that is hard to avoid, and it will light a fire inside of me that will warm my chubber to the point of confidence and cockiness. He will have a bolder voice, and his greed will become a credit to his arsenal. It will burn me from the inside out, and it will either destroy my mission, or it will take me to a new level of confidence and durability.
The most dangerous thing I can do is to assume I will easily wrestle control from the chubber, reverting back to my strict portions, heavy exercise regime, and complete avoidance of destructive food stuffs. He will fight me; he will fight bitterly, and with bile, and teeth, and an acidic rage.
I will fight with gentle self-reflection. I am a fat person, and I need to lose weight. My new target is not to lose five stones any more, as getting to under twelve stone is a bit unrealistic for a man with my natural frame. I was aiming to hit thirteen stone, losing 5 stones off of what I thought was 18 stones. Therefore, I’m going to aim for 12.5 stones. That is a healthy target, and a bold one, and will mean that I will be losing 4.34 stones. This is not letting the chubber get his way – he still dies this year – this is me not being deluded and latching onto the first number I thought of. Either way, I will be victorious, covered in the blood of a tyrant I created.
That victory will be better than any Indian take-away I’ve ever tasted.